Worst. Election. Ever

This has been, without a doubt, the worst election ever. I'm just glad it's about to be over so that everyone can finally shut up about it. Literally billions of dollars, speeches, blogs, videos, articles, and conversations have been wasted on a spectacle with zero substance or purpose.

I can summarize the entire election with two sentences:

McCain is a "maverick" who has experience.

Obama is a nice guy who wants "change."

That's it. That's all there is. Since most people don't have well-formed political views, they will vote based on the simplest of perceptions. They have no idea what government does, what government should do, or how it should be done. They can't really be blamed for their ignorance, because presidential races are entirely superficial: Reporters focus on the latest gaffes and poll numbers, and there are no fundamental differences between the candidates themselves. It's all perception, soundbytes, vague promises of change, reform, "fixing Washington," etc. It's bullshit.
The common man recognizes the worthlessness of modern elections. That's why most people don't bother voting or following politics. The pseudo-intellectuals are a different matter. Although they claim to be "informed" voters, they are just as clueless as everyone else. They like to think their interest in politics is driven by civic duty--as if the future of humanity rests on who wins today's election--but the truth is that political junkies are just a bunch of dorks. They like politics in the same way that other people like fixing cars or collecting stamps.

The day after the 2004 election, I attended the "Wednesday meeting" of conservative activists in Washington, DC, sponsored by Grover Norquist. It was the weirdest shit I've ever seen. It was a cultish circle jerk. People were laughing and smiling; there was a palpable sense of euphoria in the air. You could cut the gayness with a knife. Nevermind that most of these people would consider the Bush presidency a failure from a conservative perspective. He's still our guy. And our guy beat their guy. We won! Our lives have meaning!

Tomorrow morning, liberal dorks throughout the country will exude the same sense of euphoria if Obama wins--as if all their wildest dreams will finally come true. Here's a message to all you pseudo-intellectuals on both sides of the political spectrum:

The leaders of both parties are a bunch of lying, thieving killers who would enslave us all if they could. They don't deserve to be cheered or congratulated. They deserve an ass-kicking. And so do you.